Friday 30 January 2009

Exchange of Letters

This is my favourite poem by Wendy Cope, who was in the news this week after saying that the post of Poet Laureate should be abolished:

Taken from "Serious Concerns", Faber

Exchange of Letters

Dear Serious Novel,

I am a terse assured lyric with impeccable rhythmic flow, some apt and original metaphors, and a music that is all my own. Some people say I am beautiful.

My vital statistics are eighteen lines, divided into three-line stanzas, with an average of four words per line.

My first husband was a cheap romance; the second was Wisden's Cricketers' Almanac. Most of the men I meet nowadays are autobiographies, but a substantial minority are books about photography or trains.

I have always hoped for a relationship with an upmarket work of fiction. Please write and tell me more about yourself.

Yours intensely,

Song of the First Snowdrop


Dear Song of the First Snowdrop,

Many thanks for your letter. You sound like just the kind of poem I am hoping to find. I've always preferred short, lyrical women to the kind who go on for page after page.

I am an important 150,000 word comment on the dreams and dilemmas of twentieth-century Man. It took six years to attain my present weight and stature but all the twenty-seven publishers I have so far approached have failed to understand me. I have my share of sex and violence and a very good joke in chapter nine, but to no avail. I am sustained by the belief that I am ahead of my time.

Let's meet as soon as possible. I am longing for you to read me from cover to cover and get to know my every word.

Yours impatiently,

Death of the Zeitgeist

Thursday 29 January 2009

Sunday 25 January 2009

Man-Machine


Well worth a watch from this bbc iplayer link.

As a child, James May dreamed of a world populated by humanoid robots. Robots which would tidy his room and do the washing up. In the second programme of his Big Ideas series, he sets off to discover how close his vision of a robot-world is to becoming a reality and in doing so enters an intriguing, mysterious and often rather strange world.

In Japan, James meets the closest thing to Robocop. It’s a woman who can double her strength thanks to an extraordinary electro-mechanical jumpsuit, but what will this bizarre mix of human intelligence and machine brawn be used for?

He also has a close encounter of the weird kind with the most disturbing robot he has ever seen – a robot designed to look and behave exactly like its creator.

Continuing his travels James heads to the US, to explore the possibilities of bionic implants and talks to the doctor who is making them a reality, and in doing so has created a real 2 million dollar bionic woman.

And finally, in the unlikeliest of laboratories he encounters the world’s most advanced walking robot: Asimo – it can tackle stairs and has even mastered running, however when faced with a closed door, the robot proves he isn’t all that smart. Cue Asimo’s twin brother, who has learnt to recognise everyday objects. But will he amaze James when asked to identify a Mini car? And is this all enough to restore James’s vision of a robot filled future world?

I thought the bionic eye and the learning robot was unbelievable.

Saturday 17 January 2009

George Carlin - Paradox

GEORGE CARLIN (He recently died)

Isn't it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70's and 80's – could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but! not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
If you don't forward this ....Who cares? George Carlin

Wednesday 14 January 2009

Quicklink - 1911 Census

According to the 1911 Census, there were 478 Bettanys in the UK at that point:

http://www.1911census.co.uk

I'm quite pleased to note that not only am I the only Jacob B in the world right now, but quite possibly the only one there ever was!

Tuesday 13 January 2009

Dance from Bande à part



I particularly like the quote: "Empires Crumble, my friend, republics founder and fools survive!"

Sunday 11 January 2009

The creative side of consumerism

http://www.soundtree.co.uk/

I discovered this media company called Sound tree when I was trying to find a song from the new Ford Ka advert. They are responsible for some of the cooler adverts out there. Some are really quite impressive. The more creative side of consumerism! Take a look!
Remember this...?







and this?








maybe this?

















Impressive!

Friday 9 January 2009

A Pernicious Lodestone in 'Kevin'

1968 was drawing to a close and Kevin was fast approaching his eighteenth birthday. In July he had left his leafy boarding school in Surrey and his resettlement in Stoke-on-Trent was anything but covered in glory. He had escaped the dreary prospect of becoming articled to a chartered accountant and was ending the year kicking his heels as a handyman in a furniture shop.

Education had given Kevin no fixed compass bearing to guide his life into a worthwhile career. Egotistical pragmatism was the lodestone that influenced his next decision; on his eighteenth birthday he crossed the threshold of the Army Recruiting Office in Hanley. His father, whose own military career was drawing to a close, was very pleased to accompany him.

An oath was sworn to serve Queen and Country for nine years and the contract sealed for him to enlist with the Royal Army Medical Corps to train as a physiotherapist. Such a career profession was a complete mystery to Kevin but it sounded very grand. In reality he felt momentum was more important than direction and, although he had never read Voltaire’s “Candide,” he assumed he too lived in "the best of all possible worlds."

Four days later, armed with little more than his optimism, Kevin retreated from life in Stoke and advanced to Keogh Barracks, the RAMC training depot at Ash Vale, near Aldershot. Platoon 6901 was the first intake of recruits in 1969 and new recruit 24109201 Private Bettany and fifteen other individuals blended into a unit of square bashers, boot polishers and barrack room lawyers.

With his boarding school background, Kevin was easily accommodated to barrack room etiquette. He was well aware that peer group approval was a fickle commodity but he assumed that he had the personal equipment and attributes to warrant a more generous portion of popularity. A regular place in the depot rugby team created a helpful impression.

Basic training did throw up some interesting irregularities -a wrestling match with a very senior officer looking for a physical workout; a visit from Captain Bettany RAPC; friendship with Private Patel, an Asian refugee from General Idi Amin’s Uganda; an Oscar winning performance as a volunteer war casualty with a fake compound fracture of the femur; and finding a four leaf clover whilst on picket duty!

When Kevin paraded for the passing out ceremony he was still recovering from a bad hangover. He won no awards for his performance as a recruit but he looked forward to his first posting to the Royal Herbert Hospital in Woolwich. It was less than a mile from where he was born at the Military Maternity Hospital in 1951.

Kevin was not a young man who readily exposed himself to wise counsellors. Since his hasty retreat from Stoke it had never occurred to him that he should explore the meaning of the word `physiotherapist’. He was still relying on a flawed blend of optimism and charm to see him through. Later that year he would have to face the academic rigors waiting for him at the Army School of Physiotherapy.

He longed for the day he could don his blue track suit and Fred Perry T shirt (bought on a loan) and enjoy the kudos of being a `physio’ trainee. Meanwhile he played rugby for 12 Company RAMC, found a quiet place to read his novels, larked around and smoked with other lads waiting for training. He secretly admired pretty army nurses and liked to be seen with a soldier who drove a white Mercedes that had seen better days.

Six months after starting the Physio Freshers course Kevin was a humiliated and embarrassed man. One main reason for his failure to proceed beyond the fresher stage of his physiotherapy course was his shocking complacency in the face of anatomy, physiology, bio-chemistry and other academic subjects. His pretence and fanciful optimism was finally unmasked at the fresher’s exams.

The second main reason concerned the lifestyle choices he made which were peer-centred rather than career-centred. Kevin’s lodestone was influenced by the distraction of several complicated relationships. However sweet the temptations, the bitter consequences never could be undone or redeemed. Only by the grace of God did one of those relationships flourish.

Kevin options were now even more limited. Had a wise mentor been available to offer him sound advice he might have been persuaded to opt for a more realistic course of action; to train as an Army State Registered Nurse. His egocentric lodestone swung him away from such a pragmatic programme.

Instead, Kevin joined two other soldiers and spent twenty weeks at the Army Medical College training as an Army Medical Laboratory Technician Class Three. It conferred the rank of Lance Corporal and it was a modicum of success in an otherwise indifferent Army career.

After the course Kevin remained in Milbank at the Queen Alexandra Hospital, 18 Company RAMC. Despite some good practical progress in haematology, serology, bacteriology, and particularly histology, his main weakness remained bio-chemistry. In this respect he lived in fear of what tests he might be asked to do as the ‘on call’ lab technician.

Dr Samuel Johnson said that “He who is tired of London is tired of life.” In the 1970’s London was still the swinging capital of world culture. The NAAFI culture of 18 Company RAMC radiated no further than The Swan, The Spread Eagle and the Pimlico Tram. Samuel would not have been impressed.

Kevin could not abide the loneliness of study. He craved company more than he craved anything else. Arrivals of new trainee Queen Alexandra nurses was always a cause of great excitement at the hospital. After more complicated relationships he did not deserve to marry the gracious and sweet Angela. He was posted back to the Royal Herbert Hospital to enjoy their married life together in Catford.

Kevin continued playing rugby for both Corp and Company but, during a rugby tour of military hospitals in Germany, he went into a tackle too hard, sustained a head injury, and his rugby career met a premature end.

Kevin’s introduction to the drug culture began with a joint shared in the little park on John Islip Street just outside the hospital grounds. What followed was an obsession with the drug culture, mounting debt and a double life that blighted the next five years of his life.

Kevin was medically discharged from the Army in 1973. It would be 1976, whilst he was at a teacher training college, that the pernicious lodestone was supernaturally purged of its awful power. Only just in time to save his marriage and his family! Only just in time to save his soul!

Monday 5 January 2009

Burning World



Saw this in the economist...and quite liked it. Especially as the hand over takes place this year.

Laminin



Thought this was pretty impressive. Maybe it's just coincidence. Maybe not.